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When asking forgiveness is manipulation


My ex’s family had a favorite quote:  “It’s better to ask forgiveness than permission.”
I was thinking about this today after going round and round and round with my ex about something that he did (that pertained to the children) without asking me first.  It was something important.  Like, potentially life-changing.  And all I received from him was a text that said, “hey… I did this… I called these people and set up these appointments… so you know…hope you’re okay with that.”
And no, I was not okay with that.  I told him no and he proceeded to push and prod and argue and try to convince and be all manipulatively charming with his, “can you help me understand why…?”
And dealing with him is absolutely exhausting.  I easily fall back into old patterns of the abused spouse.  I get exhausted, I say fine whatever, I become passively pissed, I shut down.  My husband has to remind me that I’m allowed to have boundaries and peeeaaaccceee.
What’s so ironic is that this church-going family (also in church leadership for many years) used this motto to manipulate so many people around them because they were charming and sweet and asked for forgiveness when the people they manipulated were pissed.
A (seemingly narcissistic) blogger and entrepreneur wrote this:
“I have always believed in the saying, ‘It’s better to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission.’ It’s a way of life. It’s not about abusing situations but about knowing when to push the boundaries. It’s about knowing that the overwhelming number of people in life are naysayers and ‘no sayers’ and sometimes you gotta just roll the dice and say WTF.”
Nice.  No dude, it is about abusing situations.  It’s about abusing people.  It’s about crossing boundaries, even non-verbally established boundaries, so that you can get whatever you want from someone else.  
It’s not the douchy businessman that likes this motto.  Over the years, I heard this from  leaders in the church.  Sitting around the church leadership meeting listening to the “elders” considering what would happen if they just implementing some new plan without first asking the congregation.  We’ll just ask forgiveness.  That’s what Jesus would want.  And they will have to give it or their prayers will not be heard by the Father in Heaven.
I mean, really.
What are you thoughts on this?  Have you been wounded or manipulated by this kind of nonsensical logic?
until soon,
b.

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