Skip to main content

When you don't "want to"

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."
Psalm 37:4

The pastor at our church often prays, "Lord, give us the 'want to.'"
I don't think I've ever heard him talk about this little prayer that he prays or explain it in any way.
Most Sundays, he just prays and skips right along to the next topic.  But every time he says this one little line, it sticks in my heart like a field burr.  I can't get past it.

It's similar to what King David prayed in Psalm 119:36.  "Lord, give me the desire to follow your laws."  And like the verse above, I believe that God gives us the desires of our heart, which means that he actually places the appropriate desires within our hearts and then grants those desires.

So any time I don't "want to" do something--when I have absolutely no desire to do it--the answer is as simple of a little prayer.  Lord, give me the "want to."

There are a million things that I know I should or should not be doing at any given time.
There are people I don't "want to" forgive or love or even be in the same room with.
There are plenty of personal character traits that I don't "want to" work on.
There are days that I don't "want to" pray or be empathic or think compassionate thoughts.
Hell, there are even days I don't "want to" even get out of bed.
There are certainly days that I don't "want to" follow God's laws or accept his love or have faith.
Just being honest.

Some days, the most...the very most...that I can do is whisper a small Lord, give me the "want to."
Believing that this small whisper is the most pleasing, profound prayer in God's ear.
A prayer that He loves to answer.


Popular posts from this blog

What it means when a narcissistic pastor says, "I love the church"

I ran across this article while going through a rough place in my life.  It had profound meaning for me in dealing with some of the individuals in my life that have narcissistic traits. The article highlights the fact that when a narcissist says, “I love you,” he really means that he loves the way that you (fill in the blank): take care of his needs, focus your energy on him, submit, etc. Individuals that have been in relationships with narcissists often admit to feeling crazy, not recognizing the abuse while it was occurring, and to keeping secrets to cover for his abuse, infidelity, etc.  I wonder if this is what many people are recognizing in the #exevangelical movement.  Because as I was going through this article again, I began to realize that many of the narcissistic traits could be applied to the many pastors and men in church leadership that I have known through the years. Being in church ministry for twelve years, I became proficient at silence and lies to cover the behavior…

To "speak the truth in love" does not mean "reprimand"

"...speaking the truth in love..." Ephesians 4:15
Notice the "dot, dot, dot," before and after that phrase?  But how many times have you heard it as a full sentence?  Speak the Truth in love.  As a full sentence, it loses all context.  And how often is this phrase used as an excuse to reprimand another "in love" and tell them about their multitude of sins?
The New Living Translation has a completely different take on this phrase.  It states, "we will hold to the truth in love."  Now, that changes it a bit, doesn't it?  That makes the action about me and not about me acting on another.  
In context, Ephesians 4 is talking about the Body of Christ and how we must work to grow up and mature in the Lord.  "Then we will no longer be like children, forever changing our minds about what we believe..."  The work is for each of us to grow up and cling to the Lord's love.  
And what Truth are we clinging to?  It is the truth that we are d…

Trauma is like a bee in the sand

My professor was teaching on the power of language- the power words have over us- when he used the example of the beach. He told us to remember the last time we were at the beach. The warm sand, the relaxing sounds, etc...

It took me back to Mazatlan. I left the resort pool and walked down the small steps to the beach where vendors were selling dresses, sunglasses, jewelry. The sand was warm on my bare feet and I walked quietly through the dry sand, my face to the sun, the wind in my hair... When a pain shot up through the ball of my foot into my ankle. I looked down to see a bee still stuck in the flesh of my foot. I was immediately angry. I looked around to see hundreds of bees in the sand. They had built a nest nearby in the base of a rock and a hotel worker was trying to kill them by covering them with sand... Not a great plan.

As I thought about this in class, I remember that it felt offensive. I was enjoying the stillness, the relaxation. True, I stepped on the bee so technical…