"On this mountain He will swallow up the shroud that is over all the peoples, the woven covering that is over all the nations, He will swallow up death permanently."
Something amazing has happened to me. Something so other-worldly, "that never, ever, ever happens," kind of thing. And I'm sitting here in absolute terror. Like giving birth and "watching your heart walk around outside of your body." Terrified that this precious gift will be taken.
My tormenting vengeful God-image teasing me with this opportunity to snatch it away like a cruel bully.
This Balancer of Justice that has watched all of my terrible, other-crushing decisions will finally spill well-deserved hell into my life. As I have left others in the wake of my tumultuous, traumatizing torrent so too will I be traumatically trampled. The Mighty Smiter will Smite.
Knowing my own dark heart. And how I deserve to be punished with a death so much crueler than black oblivion. Death is torment of the soul. Endless shame. I feel it. For the hell I have caused another. Others.
Is this what God swallowed? What words could we use to describe the taste of that shroud?
Tattered garment that tightly wrapped the decaying body of the dead?
Choking, gagging, taking in whole.
Permanently. Shame swallowed. Death digested.