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Back to Square One

"So they took branches of palm trees and went out to meet him.  They began to shout, 'Hosanna!  Blessed is the one who comes in the name of the Lord!  Blessed is the King of Heaven!'"
John 12:13

Hosanna.  Save us.  This is our constant cry.  Who will save us?  We lift our eyes to the mountains.  We climb palm trees to search the horizon for a savior.  Who will save us from trauma?  And injustice?  And pain?  From hell?  From life?

And what a disappointment that Jesus was killed less than a week later.  They had placed their hope in Him.  All of their hope.  

I feel this.  Defeated and lost.  I was young when I married but was believing that I was leaning on God.  At the time, I believed that it was right.  And now, 15 years later, I am at the end of my marriage.  Wondering what happened.  Doubting my ability to hear the Lord's voice.  Scared that I will make so many mistakes again.  Scared that I will mess up my life more than i already have.  Scared that I will hurt others.  Terrified.  

Lord, save me.  Who will save me?  

I have placed all of my hope in you and I feel that you have let me down.  You have disappointed me.  You didn't come through.  You didn't do what I thought you would do.  

So I'm at the beginning of this journey with you.  Back to square one.  Ridding of all of my expectations and desires.  I need for you to place your own desires within me.  Create something beautiful.  Save us in your own way.


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